As you know, what really gets me going, is the challenge of reducing the effects of divorce on all family members. More and more, I realize, that divorce is not a one-time event, but rather something which influences people for the rest of their lives, often on a daily basis. Scary…

One of the elements which I feel is fundamental in creating a happy and healthy atmosphere, and thereby reducing the negative effects of the rupture, is becoming a balanced, healthy and happy person yourself. You as a parent, grandparent, stepparent… Whichever role you play in the children’s life.

One key I discovered the other day, as I listened to a Christian Carter interview, is the difference between being a matcher and being a mismatcher. People are either matchers, or mismatchers. If you are a mismatcher, you are critical, you see what is missing, you see what is wrong. if you are a matcher, you see what is in it for you, you see what is right, you see what could be useful. Yesterday, I visited a friend of mine, Maria, together with Mike, another friend. Mike and I are extreme matchers, and Maria is a mismatcher. This turned out to be realy funny. Maria had chocolate biscuits for tea, a brand she had never had before, and neither did we. Maria’s first reaction was: “bèh, sloppy cookies, they seem to be old instead of fresh”. Mike and I said almost simultaneous: “Maybe they’re meant to be like that!” The package was divided into several small plastic packages with 5 cookies each, and after the first package we opened the second. The cookies in the second package were crispy…

What we realized, is that being extreme in either direction is not effective. Extreme mismatchers see all the shortcomings of everything, they only see the negative side and generally are not happy with their life. Extreme matchers only see possibilities, they only see the positive side, and they are very happy with their life. Being a matchers sounds attractive to me, I have to admit, but I do realize that much of my potential keeps being underused. It just seldom dawns on me that something could be better!

To read more about balancing your style of matching and mismatching and about other ways to avoid the negative effects of divorce, go to: http://stepfamilyheaven.com (download your free e-book there too).

PS. If you are also convinced, that we have to spread information in order to improve the lives of children of divorced parents, please click on a couple of this little icons here: it will help other people to find me, and you are helping me too!

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